Pain writes me a letter...

            MY NAME IS BACK PAIN

Dearest Christy,

Hi....My Name is chronic pain, and I'm an Invisible Chronic Illness. I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can't see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me every day. I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I'm in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.

Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? Remember when you worked and excelled at everything you did? I took Energy and work from you, and gave you Exhaustion and Failure instead. Times you could laugh and enjoy or do things with your family or feel accomplishment? Try to have fun or feel that now! I also took Good Sleep from you and, in its place, gave you Brain Fog. I gave you the ability and will to lash out at the people you love for no reason, your kids especially won't understand they will just wonder where did their mom go!

I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh, yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed too. People around you will have no idea, because you look fine on the outside.

If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. You didn't ask for me. I chose you for various reasons:

Maybe it was a virus you had that you never recovered from, or a car accident, it could be something you are not even aware you did. It could be aggravated by stress throughout your life. Who knows, who cares? And well, it doesn't matter why anyway, I'm here to stay! I hear you're going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I'm rolling on the floor, laughing! Just try!

You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, back pill, energy pills and others. You will be told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, be given a TENs unit, massage, injections or surgery. You will be told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, this makes me… laugh out loud. You will be told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken as seriously as you feel you should…when you cry to the doctor or family about how debilitating life is every day.

Your family, and friends you may have left, they will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I don’t care if you’re sick of me! Especially because, I can fool them, you do not look sick, you just look weak or tired and maybe depressed. This is the beauty of me inside, you… don't look the part. Then, when I am in a good mood and I chose to really hit you hard, they still can't see me and you my friend, will just look stoned and like you are feeling sorry for yourself. Some of Your family, won't understand and they will say things like "Oh, you are just having a bad day" or "Well, remember, you can't do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago", not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. “Things can always be worse”…as if you don’t already know that…but today… I make you not care!


Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a "Normal" person, and can't remember what you were going to say next! You are doing things that are so embarrassing that you try and laugh with them but, inside you are filled with fear because of the things you are doing. Some of them say “she is crazy the way she is acting, she needs to stop taking so many drugs”! You will begin to have no self esteem and think you have nothing to offer, and believe maybe you are crazy. You will not recognize who you are and who you will be...you will just be.

In closing, (I was hoping that I kept this part a secret), but, I guess you already found out...the ONLY place you will get real understanding in dealing with me...is me!


See you soon,
Pain