Gratitude

I have recently been given some good information that I think will work for me, at least it is something for me to work towards, I recently read: everything that happens to you is directed towards waking you to a gift, so I've decided my gift has just not been reveled to me as of yet.
I will be the master of my "Destiny" and not a victim of my history, so I move forward with my eyes looking up searching for my open door. Wisdom is acknowledgment that ups and downs in one's life will appear equally. So I will start always looking up and staying grounded to the moment, even when that moment is difficult. (this will be the trick)

I am living in duality right now. I am... I guess bi-polar in my life. I have parts of my life that lifts me up and parts that take me down. I praise myself for getting through the day with pain and my depression and then criticize myself for not taking good care of my family or contributing to the standards "I" have set for myself. No-one is victimizing me! I just reflect what I am giving off. My family is very important to me and they are really getting the blunt end of my life! Last night was an event that makes me realize I need to lead my family. I am not the only person lost, they are following me.

I am going to start a self program for me. I will first start with Gratitude. True Gratitude is a quiet state of place and inner calmness where you are truly thankful, not just happy in certain moments of your life. I think Gratitude is the "key" to everything, I believe the only thing I will take with me when I die is my love and my wisdom. I need to remember this daily and will devise a symbol that I will carry with me to remind me of that everyday.

I am thankful for my husband who has been so supportive and loving and a rare human being. He is the love of my life and I am a better person because I know him and will love him to the end of time. My kids are amazing people, my son is struggling to find his way right now, he is seventeen, I have the faith that he will, he is a loving and kind hearted and I know adores me as much as I do him. He will make the right choices for himself and not me. I will support and always be there for him. My youngest son is the light for me often times however, he has no idea, I have spoke of him before and would love to always see things through his eyes. He brings me joy daily and worries about me way to much. I am so thankful for him, he kisses and hugs me many times a day and will never know how many of those I really needed to get to the next day. He inspires me and makes me LAUGH! My daughter, I am thankful for many reasons, she has a strong spirit and I try and follow that, she handles many things at a time and still is a great mom. I love and care for her very deeply. My grand babies the Loves of my life. I am so lucky to even have them here and would have sold my soul for them. The lift my heart to places no-one could.

My extending family I am grateful for as well, My parents are loving and supportive, my mom has dried many tears and put hers aside for me. My brothers and sisters are the side by side soldiers in my life's. Always by my side fighting the ups and downs in all our life's daily. The love I have for them is unspeakable and the survival of all we have lived is the bond that will keep us together for life.

Thank you god, for all my many blessings these are just a few of what I have to be grateful for today. I am truly grateful for my blog, the place for me to be truly honest and release whatever I am feeling to the universe and the grate fullness of people's kindness.

"I think there are two types of prayers, one of false, the one I have been doing. One is true...that I rarely do and am ashamed to admit it, but have realized it." I have been doing one type of prayer, it is the false prayer. I have been praying for "My life is a mess and my body, please fix it" in a nutshell. A true prayer... the one I will be using is: I am blessed for all you have given me and recognize the order of what is and am thankful for what you continue to give me.

God bless me to better a better person,
Amen